A long time ago I took writing class up in LA. I was in my early 20s. The teacher was intimidating yet seductive—he published a journal, knew many “influential” writers, taught in a program affiliated with UCLA. It was clear that he bestowed “specialness” on certain students. There was a certain way of “being” in the workshop, a particular way that the feedback (translation: judgement) was given. He would insult one writer’s work (we had to read aloud), make faces in the class, then turn to another student who “might show the class how it’s supposed to be done.” Or he’d read his own work and go on and on about how great it was.
This “teacher” made writing seem like something only a few – himself included – could grasp. It turned out the writers whose work he “liked” were people who had taken his class for years. He fed off this. It was a devastating experience. The lesson I took from that at the time was that dominance dictated if your writing was good or got published.
A few years later I took another “workshop.” This teacher, a woman, did a similar yet different thing with her students. After the student read the work she would give her feedback (judgment) and then go around the table and ask students what they thought. Then she would critique their replies if they disagreed with her. She repeatedly wanted to bring the discussion back to her.
To any person who feels shaky in their work or hobby, or just during a specific moment in life—like when you’re trying something new that is meaningful to you—having someone constantly rain judgment in the name of “mentoring” can be a huge confidence basher. Which I think is the point. In that teacher’s mind, and in this microcosm of the universe that they “control,” the student will never surpass that teacher.
I’ve found it extremely helpful to unpack and examine the intricacies of these incidences.I share them here to help others think about the people they seek out for help, and why.
I either dropped or missed substantial meetings of these courses. Back then I was too young to know what was going on. In this instance, it felt like something I’d brought on from the inside. Different people may have other experiences that evoked something similar, though maybe not with writing.
It IS important to develop a resilient, perhaps thicker skin in regards to feedback and even judgment and, of course, rejection of one’s work. But manipulations, often sadistic ones, usually by someone who holds the upper hand (and therefore court)—though not always are not something we want to adapt to.
(Everyone feels competitive, envious and the like. We have to face and tend our own be it with self-compassion, honesty, working differently, or something else that turns the correct kind of focus back on oneself. This is more productive and more hopeful.)
Hold these thoughts close at hand. Self-preservation is a force inside you. Let it act as a totem that guides and protects you.
For further reading:
This article in The New Yorker (though excellent and compelling and important) nauseated me – and for good reason. Seduce the Whole World: Gordon Lish’s Workshop, written by Carla Blumenkranz,
is a must-read for any writer, any artist, any student who puts their trust in a professor who really cannot – should not -be trusted.
I have known such “teachers.”
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash