I found this quote by Laura Bennet in the Slate piece titled The First-Person Industrial Complex to ring true: “…the defining trait of the best first-person writing is exactly what is missing from so much of the new crop: self-awareness.”
You can write first person pieces and reveal a lot about yourself without knowing yourself at all. It stems, in part, from a hunger to be seen. It’s the equivalent of flashing. Even some really good essay teachers lead their students down this path, too. The goal is publishing—quantity over quality.
I’ve come across writers who feel that their story, their truth and how they want to say it, has a right to its voice. On the page. In public. I totally get that. But once done they are often shocked, startled, angered, enraged, and, ultimately hurt that their words were somehow used against them. Internet trolls don’t help, of course, but neither do people who urge them to publish before they are psychologically ready. (In other words, a piece can be “ready” while its writer, despite having written it, remains “not ready.”) This is a variation on what the Slate author said: “In fact, the defining trait of the best first-person writing is exactly what is missing from so much of the new crop: self-awareness.”
As a former therapist, I’ve said before that, in relationships, in therapy, the point is to be open and real, to dig deep and wide. The point is to build a relationship with yourself. Essays are also about your relationship to yourself. But, out there on the page and on the internet, they become everyone’s, somehow.
We can extrapolate, too, to FaceBook posts and comments, Instagram posts, videos and comments…the list goes on. I see confessions and revelations from people I know and I think—are you sure you want that out there?
In relationships there are hurts and betrayals and fears and joys, but not all of those things are for public consumption—and really, do you want them to be? I guess I don’t. Or maybe the better question to ask is this: can the writer wait long enough to understand the impact it will have on his or her life and the life of others, once they put it out there?
In therapy, the better therapist will not push a client into awareness if that client is not ready. A lack of readiness could mean that the person is not ready to take in the realization. It does not mean that that time won’t necessarily come, because for many it will. But for others, pushing too hard can cause the person to unravel, regress and block.
So, all this is to say that you should value your story first. Not in the way that means “it’s good so you should sell it” but, rather, in a protective way. Take care of it.
There is a difference between being able to write the words well and being aware of what those words will do and mean in your life once you press Publish. Be aware. Be self-aware.
Photo by Luca Nardone
