Note: The Writer’s [Inner] Journey will be running a three-part series featuring the writing of Judith Handelsman Smith, author of the wonderful GROWING MYSELF (a must-read for writers and gardeners, would-be gardeners, and would-be anything else-ers). To kick off, here’s our interview:

I trust my own instincts. I know the little niggle inside that is telling me what is true and what isn’t. If I don’t, I trust I will figure it out. I know everything is in process all the time. I trust my intuition, my feelings and follow them. I wrestle with everything emotionally. It is how I stay in touch with myself.
—Judith Handelsman Smith 

 ♥

Judith Handelsman Smith is the author of Growing Myself: A Spiritual Journey Through Gardening (Dutton/Plume) [note: one of my most beloved books] which was nominated for a Books for a Better Life Award in the spiritual category in 1996. Thomas Moore, author of Care of the Soul, said of it: “Growing Myself is a beautifully written, honest story that demonstrates how we can be educated by nature and eventually discover ourselves in the growing and dying nature around us.” Her children’s book, Gardens From Garbage: How to Grow Indoor Plants From Recycled Kitchen Scraps was named as one of the best children’s books of 1993 by the American Association for the Advancement of Science, America’s oldest, largest  and most prestigious science organization. It was also voted one of the best children’s books of 1993 by The Child Study Children’s Book Committee. Her book, Greenworks: Tender Loving Care for Plants (Macmillan, 1972) was the first book of its kind about houseplants during the plant craze of the 70s.

 

 ♥

Meredith: What does being stuck mean? What does it represent? And how do you change that–or do you wait for the change to occur in order to progress, creatively speaking?

JUDITH: I have different approaches, depending on how I feel. I check out my inner landscape to feel what is going on. If it feels like I am raw and burned out, I rest and eat and watch movies. If I am blocked as a writer for whatever reason, I watch, listen to, or read artists, writers, musicians, dancers, actors who inspire me with their creations and creative process. I talk to my friend who is a potter and lover of art history. We talk about process, what we are going through. We reflect back to each other what we think and feel. We nourish each other’s process. Sometimes, just looking at a great painting fires me up and makes me feel like working, if not writing, painting or beading, creating spaces or gardens. Everything I do is art. Instead of pushing myself too hard to write, I allow myself to create in whatever way I am moved. It really helps everything to flow. I always meet deadlines. I have come to know that and don’t worry about how I get there.

 

Meredith: The Talmud  says that “Every blade of grass has its Angel that bends over it and whispers, ‘Grow, grow.’ Do you have a personal interpretation for what this means to you as a writer?

JUDITH: For me, growing is everything. It is life itself. I know there are unseen forces aiding me in this growth, so I call on them to help me. I remind myself it isn’t just about “me.” I am writing for the good of all. I am a conduit. I stay open to what comes through my heart and translate it into words. I consider putting them out into the world a privilege, a gift and a service. Knowing the truth of this removes the burden. I am offering myself up.

 

Meredith: In your book, Growing Myself, there is a section called: Who Wants to Come? The Etiquette of Picking. Might you use such a metaphor for our readers about writing, about starting, or maybe, about finishing?

JUDITH: I go for the jugular vein. I go for the truth, even if it is scary or makes me look bad. I learn my truth through writing and creating. Who wants to Live and Die? Write what is true for you. You have to do the work within yourself so the fear of what you haven’t looked at doesn’t hold you back. 

 

Meredith: Can you tell me how you move through a project of your own when life’s personal details (also your own) are distracting, sad, anxiety producing or otherwise? How do you bring yourself back to the page?

JUDITH: The writing itself becomes my medicine. At least, that is how it has been during the past year when I have had to face many challenges. I have been writing a memoir and even when the writing experience is torturous, it has helped me transform. It is an ongoing process. I trust that now, after writing for over forty years. I watch and listen and feel and grow until my last breath. That is how I live.

Meredith: How do you not hold on so tight–to a belief about writing, a piece of writing, or an idea that you have–that isn’t working or that, perhaps, an editor would like you to change. The belief part goes for you…but the piece, the idea, those refer also to your relationship with the editor. In other words, what tells you how to proceed?

JUDITH: When I write a sentence or paragraph I fall in love with but doesn’t work, I know I will have to cut it eventually. I am ruthless when it comes to cutting. I know it will be for the best in terms of flow, and for orchestrating the reader’s experience. Letting go is always freeing. If an editor or an agent or a friend wants me to cut or change, I check inside myself for how it makes me feel. I weigh it all. I trust my own instincts. I know the little niggle inside that is telling me what is true and what isn’t. If I don’t, I trust I will figure it out. I know everything is in process all the time. I trust my intuition, my feelings and follow them. I wrestle with everything emotionally. It is how I stay in touch with myself. Then everything takes care of itself one way or another. I open to learning.

Judith lives in Santa Barbara with her husband, where she is now at work on her fourth book, a memoir. They are both former teachers of Vipassana meditation. Click here to learn more about Judith.

[Thanks, Judith!]

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Why I’m Not Writing

by Meredith

by Donna Marganella

I can’t write because it’s Sunday and isn’t there a rule about this being a day of rest? I’m not religious, but I think I should follow this rule because I’m so sleepy/lazy that it seems like I’ve never really woken up. Earlier I was lying on the living room floor in a puddle of sunlight, the perfect picture of lethargy.

Even if I weren’t in this sleepy state, I don’t think I could be writing because I’ve got things to do: things I should be doing and things I’d rather be doing. I should be working on my proofreading project. I’d feel so righteous working on a Sunday, all disciplined, doing something that pays, unlike this writing thing.

I could be reading the novel I just started. Isn’t it important for writers to read? I could be reading the work of someone who knows what the heck she’s doing, has managed to complete a novel and get it published. I’ve got two by Kate Atkinson lined up and I’ve just cracked the first one. Thirty-four pages in, I’m hooked. It’s that good. Surely reading her work is going to help me much more than struggling to generate my usual crap.

But if I’m not reading or working on other paying projects, I could be doing something industrious like cleaning out my closet. I could be in there sneezing through the disrupted dust, evaluating each garment, applying my strict rule of removing something old before a new purchase goes in. Shouldn’t I be there this very moment searching for potential outees? I could be bagging all those still useful but underutilized items for a trip to Goodwill.

Or, if I’m going to take this lazy Sunday thing and bump it up a notch, I could pick an activity that I’d rather be doing. I could head to CVS and wander through the cosmetics’ aisle for a couple of hours. I know for a fact that I have four L’Oreal coupons that expire today because I spent part of yesterday morning organizing said coupons and ditching the expired ones. The fact that I completed that task to avoid writing yesterday is irrelevant if you ask me.

It’s practically criminal, the money I am going to lose if I don’t get up from my keyboard right now and drive to the store. I have a “20% off your entire order” coupon because I got my flu shot at CVS and I’m not going to let that puppy expire. I might find a new lipstick color that could change my life. It happens.

See how good I am at not writing? I’ve turned that rather be doing activity into a should be doing thing. My Zen master level of avoidance/procrastination means I can convert anything into a worthwhile activity to be put in the way of writing. Laundry is a good one, but I did all the laundry to avoid writing yesterday so unfortunately there’s nothing in the hamper.

Probably what I should be doing instead of not writing is taking a walk because a) it’s exercise and b) lots of writers recommend it as an important part of the process. Everyone from Brenda Ueland to Julia Cameron prescribe it for writer’s block or to help solve plot problems.

I’ve also read that writers need to time to ponder, to work out stories and characters. Maybe I should do nothing but think. But just thinking feels indulgent and lazy so then I start doing laundry or paying bills to feel productive and next thing you know I’ve realized that I really, really, need to clean out the fridge. I don’t mean just wiping down the shelves, I mean dismantling the thing. Hours later, struggling to reinsert the now sparkling vegetable bin, I’ve managed to get through another day of super successful avoidance. I haven’t written a word.

Oh wait.

While I was so busy working through all my excuses for not writing, I’ve been, um, writing.

Maybe I’ll go buy a new lipstick as my reward.

Donna Marganella has published short fiction, non-fiction and essays. A recovering corporate marketing manager, Donna abandoned her cubicle in 2012. She lives in San Diego where she continues to wrestle her writing beast.

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